I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.

It is a good deed to forget a poor joke

There is no human situation so miserable that it cannot be made worse by the presence of a policeman.

An author's first duty is to let down his country.

I cannot imagine any crime worse than taking a life, can you? -It'd depend whose life.

I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.

Other people's interruptions of your work are relatively insignificant compared with the countless times you interrupt yourself.