I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.

An author's first duty is to let down his country.

A general and a bit of shooting makes you forget your troubles ... it takes your mind off the cost of living.

I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

Whatever you hold in contempt is your jailer.

Scream at God if that's the only thing that will get results.

All publicity is good, except an obituary notice.