I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.

The English and Americans dislike only some Irish--the same Irish that the Irish themselves detest, Irish writers--the ones that think.

Whatever you hold in contempt is your jailer.

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

There's no one, no one, loves you like yourself.

Scream at God if that's the only thing that will get results.

A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.