When two men fight over a woman it's the fight they want, not the woman.

There is no human situation so miserable that it cannot be made worse by the presence of a policeman.

I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

To get enough to eat was regarded as an achievement. To get drunk was a victory.

The English and Americans dislike only some Irish--the same Irish that the Irish themselves detest, Irish writers--the ones that think.