Beckham? His wife can't sing and his barber can't cut hair.

I wouldn't say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one.

You don't want roast beef and Yorkshire every night and twice on Sunday.

Come and see my coaching certificates - they're called the European Cup and league championships.

Walk on water? I know most people out there will be saying that instead of walking on it, I should have taken more of it with my drinks. They are absolutely right.

Being thick isn't an affliction if you're a footballer, because your brains need to be in your feet. And Beckham works hard, he's brave and he crosses a ball superbly. He treats a football like he does a wife, lovingly, with caresses.

When I go, God's going to have to give up his favourite chair.