Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, "and then everything burst into flames.

If I have a talent for making some fourth-grader who hates school and reading to hate it a little less, then I have to do the most with what I've been issued.

A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarmed intruder you just shot.

Our cat is kind dove shellfish, and thinks the world is hers, She finds a comfy spot and then we pet turtle sheep purrs.

If a couple has their picture taken at a wedding or other social gathering, and the woman looks hot, her guy could be blinking, chewing, or even mid-sneeze, and she’ll still display it on her desk at work.

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon.

Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, "and then everything burst into flames.