I wanted to be a vet before I got into comedy, but then once I found out how much gore goes into that job, I wanted nothing to do with it.

I like any big city. I like any place where you can see a guy with a pants-full of pooh fighting a ghost.

Always been a big heavy metal fan. I remember being 15 saying, Dude I'm going to love heavy metal forever. Heavy metal til I'm 60. I'm 35 now. I think I'm going to give it one more year.

Metal is the feeling of being an outsider, but still being part of something huge.

Turns out, theres not a lot of information about pickles on the Internet.

If I see a beautiful woman walking down the street, a pretty lady, I'll yell, 'Homo!' She can't get pissed, and I still get the pleasure of yelling at her.

I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.