Guys don't do that when they go out. Guys don't wear outfits that feature the dong.

Always been a big heavy metal fan. I remember being 15 saying, Dude I'm going to love heavy metal forever. Heavy metal til I'm 60. I'm 35 now. I think I'm going to give it one more year.

Grew up in a small town where there was only one crazy guy. He didn't even go insane doing anything good, like going to 'Nam or having an extended acid trip. Turns out - legend has it - he just had some bad cheese.

I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.

Because I go outside sometimes, I'm exposed to terrible, terrible music in public.

I got into Kiss before I got into anybody. The first thing I heard was Detroit Rock City. I heard it in the school library, where I lived.

My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me.