In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.

My ex-wife has never broken 150. I wish she would stop telling people I taught her how to play golf.

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

I don't think I'll live long enough to shoot my age. I'm lucky to shoot my weight.

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

The only place you're sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother.

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'