Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

You always nag the one you love

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.

Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.