We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray.

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

My ex-wife has never broken 150. I wish she would stop telling people I taught her how to play golf.

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?