Two kinds of ballplayers aren't worth a darn: One that never does what he's told, and one who does nothin' except what he's told.

There's two kinds of coaches, them that's fired and them that's gonna be fired.

The trouble with most coaches is that they start with the assumption that everybody is a turd. And that ain't right.

I done drew the line. Just like the Alamo. You're either on one side of the line or the other. I don't want to ever leave Texas again.

Hear about the Californian terrorist that tried to blow up a bus? Burned his lips on the exhaust pipe. He can take his'n and beat your'n, then he can take your'n and beat his'n.

I know why we lost the Civil War. We must have had the same officials.

Mama always said that if it can't rain on you, you're indoors.