There is a theory that sooner or later anything in America that is any fun at all will be ruined by people from California.

The price of purity is purists.

I don't cook. I don't know anything about food. I've never reviewed a restaurant.

In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while his article is still on the presses.

Money not spent on a luxury one considered even briefly is the equivalent of windfall income and should be spent accordingly.

The interesting thing about class warfare is that it's only class warfare if it's up, not down. If you talk about welfare cheats or something, that's not class warfare because it's down; you have to talk about rich people before it's class warfare.

I like chili, but not enough to discuss it with someone from Texas.