There is a theory that sooner or later anything in America that is any fun at all will be ruined by people from California.

A new regulation for the publishing industry: "The advance for a book must be larger than the check for the lunch at which it was discussed.

You know, I used to say, when people say, 'How do you think about what to write about in the poems every week?' And I say, 'Well, I have to turn it in on Monday, so on Sunday nights I turn the shower to iambic pentameter and it sort of works out that way.'

"Law professors were never like economics professors," a Harvard Law professor told me. "If you disagreed with someone, you didn't call him a fool."

Marriage is part of a sort of 50′s revival package that's back in vogue along with neckties and naked ambition.

By the way, did you fellows know that a hummingbird weighs as much as a quarter? Do you think a hummingbird also weighs the same as two dimes and a nickel? But then she asked a question of her own: How do they weigh a hummingbird?

We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page.