It happens to be a matter of record that I was first in print with the discovery that the tastelessness of the food offered in American clubs varies in direct proportion to the exclusiveness of the club.

I actually think of being funny as an odd turn of mind, like a mild disability, some weird way of looking at the world that you can't get rid of.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out.

Being on a book tour is a lot easier than reporting.

A new regulation for the publishing industry: "The advance for a book must be larger than the check for the lunch at which it was discussed.