I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Getting a tattoo would probably make me cry.

If Lincoln freed the slaves and preserved the Union, how come 'Lincolnesque' just means tall?

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while his article is still on the presses.

I'm in favor of liberalizing immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about everybody in except the English.

If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny.