I've always thought that parallel parking was my main talent.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

The price of purity is purists.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

How did Italy manage to end up with no Caribbean islands at all? Christopher Columbus took the trouble to discover the Caribbean personally before the end of the fifteenth century. Try to get a decent plate of spaghetti there now.

Following the Rumanian tradition, garlic is used in excess to keep the vampires away... Following the Jewish tradition, a dispenser of schmaltz (liquid chicken fat) is kept on the table to give the vampires heartburn if they get through the garlic defense.

I don't mind being interviewed on television or radio.