Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place.

Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty. If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many lawyers?

Everything was blamed on Castro. Mudslides in California. The fact that you can't buy a decent tomato anymore. Was there an exceptionally high pollen count in Massapequa, Long Island, one day? It was Castro, exporting sneezes.

There's always a source for humor [in politics]. If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny. So it sort of selects itself. It has to. And plus, often something that wouldn't be funny at the time is okay to make jokes about later.

I don't cook. I don't know anything about food. I've never reviewed a restaurant.

Keeping off a large weight loss is a phenomenon about as common in American medicine as an impoverished dermatologist.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.