Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place.

The way I read Billy Carter's testimony, he was a model citizen himself until the voters went and ruined his life by making his brother President.

Avoid restaurants with names that are improbable descriptions, such as the Purple Goose, the Blue Kangaroo or the Quilted Orangutan.

Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty. If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many lawyers?

A new regulation for the publishing industry: "The advance for a book must be larger than the check for the lunch at which it was discussed.

If General Haig is so smart, why did he finish 214th (out of 310) in his graduating class at West Point? Does that mean there are 213 generals his age who are smarter than he is?

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.