Getting a tattoo would probably make me cry.

The ceiling on taxation of capital gains reflects the national belief that speculation is a more worthwhile way to make a living than work.

If General Haig is so smart, why did he finish 214th (out of 310) in his graduating class at West Point? Does that mean there are 213 generals his age who are smarter than he is?

Keeping off a large weight loss is a phenomenon about as common in American medicine as an impoverished dermatologist.

There is no question that Rumanian-Jewish food is heavy. One meal is equal in heaviness, I would guess, to eight or nine years of steady mung-bean eating.

I'm more disturbed when people expect me to be serious.

If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny.