Getting a tattoo would probably make me cry.

Even today, well-brought-up English girls are taught by their mothers to boil all veggies for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

There is a theory that sooner or later anything in America that is any fun at all will be ruined by people from California.

Before I was born [my father] wanted me to go specifically to Yale, which he thought would help. It was easy for him to think I could be president: he didn't have to worry about being president himself, being ineligible because he wasn't born in the United States.

At American weddings, the quality of the food is in inverse proportion to the social position of the bride and groom.

Do my ears deceive me, or can I actually hear the sounds of worms turning? You say a turning worm makes no sound? But how about a chorus of turning worms?