It was a given in our family that my father was a grocer so that I wouldn't have to be.

Everything was blamed on Castro. Mudslides in California. The fact that you can't buy a decent tomato anymore. Was there an exceptionally high pollen count in Massapequa, Long Island, one day? It was Castro, exporting sneezes.

By the way, did you fellows know that a hummingbird weighs as much as a quarter? Do you think a hummingbird also weighs the same as two dimes and a nickel? But then she asked a question of her own: How do they weigh a hummingbird?

I like chili, but not enough to discuss it with someone from Texas.

Math was always my bad subject. I couldn't convince my teachers that many of my answers were meant ironically.

When it comes to rapacious 19th century capitalism, my family's hands are clean.

Money not spent on a luxury one considered even briefly is the equivalent of windfall income and should be spent accordingly.