If you ask me right now, you've seen the last of Mind of Mencia. I don't want to be a one-trick pony. I would rather walk away and do more movies, comedy and even some dramatic roles.

What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.

It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open... I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant.

Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.

When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.

If I were to say that I grew up in East Los Angeles in the projects poor, I assumed that everybody understood that it came with its own reasons for being the way I am. I didn't get that people needed to understand where my comedy came from; I thought that they knew that. Now I tell people.

That's not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it's news!