Hurricane Katrina was caused by political correctness. I said it!

Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.

Here, let's go to my dressing room, and I promise, I'll only put it in for a second.

Listen, here's my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy. When you are with your friends who don't judge you, what do you say? And if that's appropriate to say with your friends, why is it not appropriate anywhere else. Like I hate those people who judge me and are hypocrites.

Why are we rebuilding New Orleans? Whose idea was this, Aquaman?

Do you think we care about the feelings of Native Americans when we celebrate Columbus Day? That's the day that the white man discovered a land where Indians had been living for a few thousand years.

I don't have the time to steal other people's material even if I wanted to. The reason why these rumors got started is that I don't really contest them because I don't believe they deserve contesting. I really don't.