Hurricane Katrina was caused by political correctness. I said it!

When white people eat potato chips, they're called white people. When black people eat potato chips, they're called niggas.

If God made Adam and Eve, they had children... wait a minute... that means someone banged their sister!

America is such a great country, we have fat poor people.

Race makes things funny. A black guy driving in NASCAR: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Tide: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Aunt Jemima: hilarious.

In Texas, if your name is Carlos, you're a Mexican. In Florida, you're a Cuban. In New York, you're a Puerto Rican. And I come here and I find out I'm an Eskimo.

I don't have the time to steal other people's material even if I wanted to. The reason why these rumors got started is that I don't really contest them because I don't believe they deserve contesting. I really don't.