I'm glad Hurricane Katrina happened. It taught us an important lesson: black people can't swim.

Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.

When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.

God has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people.

Growing up, I didn't know anything about comedy and didn't know anything about comedians or what standup was. I grew up in the projects with no dream of anything, it was in my formatting when i got older and started talking to my friends about how I felt, they would be like, "dude, that's funny." Then one day my friend was like, "Dude, you don't understand how funny you are, you need to do standup"!

When you are younger, you pretend to believe, but you are proving it to everyone and to yourself. The change comes when you know you're funny on the inside. Then you don't have to prove it to anybody else anymore. That's when you become different and that's when you evolved onto a completely different level, because you know who you are.

When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're homeless, when black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're called rappers.