Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk? Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.
I liked myself better when I wasnt me.
Comedy is tragedy plus time.
Comedy = tragedy + time.
I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there.