Comedy is tragedy plus time.

I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances.

Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief.

I liked myself better when I wasnt me.

If you see a kid in school, who is a little shy ... that's when you should reach out. When you do, you are going to open up a flower and discover something wonderful.

It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.