Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

Daddy, when he drank, just became sweeter. There wasn't a mean thought in his body. I've always said he was like a drunk Jimmy Stewart.

My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away.

I always preferred working with somebody so I could look into their eyeballs and play tennis.

No one ever said life was fair. Just Eventful.

But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.