The first time someone said, 'What are your measurements?' I answered, '37, 24, 38 - but not necessarily in that order.'

My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres.

It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others.

My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away.

Comedy is tragedy plus time.

It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.

Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk? Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.