As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection.

I feel I've always got to keep my stand-up because I never want to lose it.

Whenever I travel I like to keep the seat next to me empty. I found a great way to do it. When someone walks down the aisle and says to you, "Is someone sitting there?" just say, "No one except the Lord."

I'm sorry I didn't have this revelation earlier. I sleep better and more soundly because I'm not participating anymore.

Been thinking about having a baby. But if I want to do it, I'd have to do it soon 'cause it's getting near closing time. The clock is ticking. My gynecologist said, if I wanted to have a baby, I would have to do it - the latest - by the ended of this show.

Time flies, though, huh? But I feel young. And do you know how I stay feeling young, ladies and gentlemen? I'll share my secret with you: I live in a senior citizen retirement community.

When you lie about your age, the terrorists win.