Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Oh, this is fun - went to a nude beach for the first time. Yeah, that's what I thought. You ever been to a nude beach? Thought it would be all sexy and hot. Oh my God, what a flubber fest! Everybody who shouldn't be naked is naked - didn't make me want to take off my clothes, made me want to take out my contacts.

They're all sources of material. What I love about what I do, the more you talk about your life, there are so many people who have similar experiences.

Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

My stand-up act is very clean.

Whenever I travel I like to keep the seat next to me empty. I found a great way to do it. When someone walks down the aisle and says to you, "Is someone sitting there?" just say, "No one except the Lord."