I was watching Maury Povich the other day. He had these people on who say that they've had near death experiences. Do you ever notice they always say the same thing? 'I remember seeing this really bright, white light.' It's like, of course, you pinhead, it's the paramedic looking in your pupils with a penlight.

My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay.

I'm wearing a new perfume that I should recommend to the women in the audience; it's called 'Tester.

All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff.

My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,'

I always say to women, 'Take advantage of the fact that you're in the minority, don't see it as a disadvantage. You're that much more unique when there's fewer of you.

I'm always a big fan of if you approach somebody politely about something and you're not a nudge - you're just pretty honest and simple, my kind of philosophy is that I'm not afraid of 'no,' and that's way different than 'I won't take no for an answer.