I have to go out for lunch and dinner because I can't cook. I need a woman to come and save me from my cooking.

There's nothing wrong with trying to reach out to new fans.

I always think everyone else is funnier than me. I look at other comedians and I say, 'I wish I was that good.' People think I'm funny, and I say, 'I'm not.'

My real name is Scott Thompson. I could have gone by that name, but when I started doing comedy I thought I needed to go by something that has a little more of a hook.

I always thought marketing in general was an interesting kind of thing. I always liked commercials and billboards.

When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.

I've got the long hair and kind of androgynous look. It's love-hate; it's sexy, but not sexy. So it's either you get it or you don't.