When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out.

I got one that can throw but can't catch, and one that can catch but can't throw, and one who can hit but can't do either.

Don't cut your nose off yourself.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Jerry Lumpe looks like the best hitter in the world until you put him in the lineup.

Managing is getting paid for home runs that someone else hits.

We've got to learn how to stay out of triple plays.