Food can be mean to me, but I love it anyway.

I was voted funniest person in my middle-school yearbook. So I guess I was funny in middle school?

I'm also the first straight woman to host this in 20 years, so, we finally made it, straight people.

Paris is so beautiful. Mr. President, you should really think about going there sometime.

I solemnly swear not to talk about Hillary's appearance, because that is not journalism.

The founders of Snapchat last year turned down a $3 billion offer from Facebook and a $4 billion offer from Google. It was a surprising show of integrity from the guys who invented the app that lets you look at pictures of boobs for five seconds.

I went [to Hobby Lobby] this morning and bought the cutest little wicker basket to hold all my morning-after pills.