I went [to Hobby Lobby] this morning and bought the cutest little wicker basket to hold all my morning-after pills.

Hillary has her work cut out for her. Her Democratic challengers are a 'Who's Who' of 'who's that?' Jim Webb, Lincoln Chafee, Silas Phelps, Peter Wilks... now those last two were characters from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. You didn't even notice, did you?

Food can be mean to me, but I love it anyway.

I think of myself as kind of a hippy. Everyone around me says that's not the impression they get. They think I'm sassy. Apparently, I think I'm nicer than I really am.

I always feel the most validated and confident being around people that I find funny - having Fred Armisen laugh at a scene or Bill Hader or Seth Meyers give me a compliment.

Your hair is so white now it can talk back to the police.

Let's give it up for the Secret Service. I don't want to be too hard on those guys. You know, because they're the only law enforcement agency that will get in trouble if a black man gets shot.