I was voted funniest person in my middle-school yearbook. So I guess I was funny in middle school?

I solemnly swear not to talk about Hillary's appearance, because that is not journalism.

Your hair is so white now it can talk back to the police.

There's so much more bad information than good information out there - everybody's got something to say and it's usually wrong.

Food can be mean to me, but I love it anyway.

I think of myself as kind of a hippy. Everyone around me says that's not the impression they get. They think I'm sassy. Apparently, I think I'm nicer than I really am.

I always feel the most validated and confident being around people that I find funny - having Fred Armisen laugh at a scene or Bill Hader or Seth Meyers give me a compliment.