Let's give it up for the Secret Service. I don't want to be too hard on those guys. You know, because they're the only law enforcement agency that will get in trouble if a black man gets shot.

Your hair is so white now it can talk back to the police.

I like Instagram - I love pictures, I just dont take them very often.

Feels right to have a woman follow President Obama, doesn't it?

I'm also the first straight woman to host this in 20 years, so, we finally made it, straight people.

I was voted funniest person in my middle-school yearbook. So I guess I was funny in middle school?

What can I say about Brian Williams. Nothing, because I work for NBC.