People have confused playing devil's advocate with being intelligent.

I went [to Hobby Lobby] this morning and bought the cutest little wicker basket to hold all my morning-after pills.

I was voted funniest person in my middle-school yearbook. So I guess I was funny in middle school?

Paris is so beautiful. Mr. President, you should really think about going there sometime.

Hillary has her work cut out for her. Her Democratic challengers are a 'Who's Who' of 'who's that?' Jim Webb, Lincoln Chafee, Silas Phelps, Peter Wilks... now those last two were characters from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. You didn't even notice, did you?

Your hair is so white now it can talk back to the police.

I always feel the most validated and confident being around people that I find funny - having Fred Armisen laugh at a scene or Bill Hader or Seth Meyers give me a compliment.