I'd never buy my girl a watch... she's already got a clock over the stove.

You know what I always say about basketball whenever anybody tried to tell me the Knicks are gonna be good: They're old. Old people don't get healthy. They die.

Thank God for Jerry Springer's show. I thought only black folks were that screwed up until I watched Jerry Springer.

I read that heavy drinking is bad for your health. I decided I better stop reading.

Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while.

I have nothing against old people; I want to be one myself one day.

One thing about being famous is the people around you, you pay all their bills so they very rarely disagree with you because they want you to pick up the check.