If ifs were gifts, every day would be Christmas.

There's no medical term for what I've got.

My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.

Preseason is just a way to screw fans out of money.

The word conservative means discriminatory practically. It's a form of political discrimination. What do the Republicans run on? Against gay marriage and for a war that makes no sense. A war that was based on faulty intelligence. That's all they ever talk about. That and immigration. Another discriminatory argument for political gain.

Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss's wife having sex with a monkey.

People always say turn the other cheek. If you turn the other cheek, I'm gonna hit you in the other cheek too.