It ain't like we're curing cancer or anything, we're watching basketball.

If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick. Same thing.

If all babies are so cute, how the hell do we have so many ugly people in the world?

If Michael Jordan was a damn plumber, he couldn't get a date. Any guy got $500 million looks good.

I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I've got a technique. It's called just go get the damn ball.

Listening to a woman is almost as bad as losing to one. There are only three things that women are better at than men: cleaning, cooking, and having sex.

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train.