He's got to bring something stronger than that. That's like bringing milk to a bar, it's not strong enough

Sometimes I have to criticize guys to try to make it fun, I mean, I'm out there trying to bust other people. I want all these guys to do well, but when they do something stupid or don't play well, I try not to kill 'em, I try to make 'em laugh a little bit.

I'm just what America needs: another unemployed black man. (on his retirement from basketball)

It ain't like we're curing cancer or anything, we're watching basketball.

Listening to a woman is almost as bad as losing to one. There are only three things that women are better at than men: cleaning, cooking, and having sex.

These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it.

If all babies are so cute, how the hell do we have so many ugly people in the world?