Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Is life a multiple choice test or is it a true or false test?" ...Then a voice comes to me out of the dark and says, "We hate to tell you this but life is a thousand word essay.

A good education is the next best thing to a pushy mother.

Life is like a game, Charlie Brown... Sometimes you win... Sometimes you lose." "I'll be happy if I just make the playoffs.

What happened to fun?" "Our insurance doesn't cover it!

Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.

It's a mistake to try to avoid the unpleasant things in life... But I'm beginning to consider it.

Happiness is a warm puppy.