Beethoven can't really be great because his picture isn't on a bubble gum card.

All of earth's creatures have, hidden within their beings, a wild uncontrollable urge to punt!

There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people...religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin!

Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life.

I was jumping rope. Everything was fine. And then suddenly everything seemed so futile.

Lucy was using my blanket to dry the dishes. We now have very secure dishes!

All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For after all, he was only human. He wasn't a dog.