I think I'm afraid of being happy because whenever I get too happy something bad always happens.

There is nothing more attractive than a nice smile

Though her husband often went on business trips, she hated to be left alone. "I've solved your problem," he said. "I've bought you a St. Bernard. Its name is Great Reluctance. Now, when I go away, you shall know that I am leaving you with Great Reluctance!" She hit him with a waffle iron.

What happened to fun?" "Our insurance doesn't cover it!

I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.

I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.

Sometimes I wonder how you can stand being just a dog..." "You play with the cards you're dealt... Whatever that means.