If life were a camera, I'd have the lens cap on.

A tragic life is romantic when it happens to somebody else.

I'm dying and all I hear are insults!

Only in math can you buy sixty cantaloupes and no one asks what the hell is wrong with you.

It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly a scream pierced the air'. . . . Good writing takes enormous concentration.

Schroeder, do you think I'm beautiful?" "I think you're the most beautiful girl the world has ever known..." "You hate me, don't you?

Have you ever known anyone who was happy? And was still in his right mind, I mean.