Duck, big brother! Here comes another day!

It is difficult to talk about what I do, because I do it so I don't have to talk about it.

Decorate your home. It gives the illusion that your life is more interesting than it really is.

One moment, please... We interrupt our regular program to bring you this special bulletin: It's a nice day outside.

All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For after all, he was only human. He wasn't a dog.

Dear Great Pumpkin, Halloween is now only a few days away. Children all over the world await you coming. When you rise out of the pumpkin patch that night, please remember I am your most loyal follower. Have a nice trip. Don't forget to take out flight insurance.

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.