I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big.

The problem with prostitutes is, what if you actually like somebody you meet in that situation? Where do you go from there? What do you do?

I still don't have all the answers. I'm more interested in what I can do next than what I did last.

You have this great big fantasy life, and it looks like a non-stop 24/7 party. But what do you do when you get to the end of the Internet and there's nothing left to buy? There's just a picture of Wayne Newton flipping you off.

I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.

You can have rules at home that are different from the rest of the world's as long as you're not hurting anyone.

It's definitely safer to be single, especially with this cottage industry that's devoted to extorting celebrities.