Charlie Sheen has the potential to cause your soul to weep and forfeit

I've always been a little skittish about death. On certain days I'm okay with it. On other days it's like, "Really? I have to? No, man, not me."

I kind of like that romantic image of being in a rocker with my family gathered around, all these generations in one room, listening intently to my stories.

You have the right to kill me, but you don't have the right to judge me. That's life. There's nobility in that. There's focus. It's genuine. It's crystal and it's pure and it's available to everybody, so just shut your traps and put down your McDonalds, your vaccines, your Us Weekly, your TMZ and the rest of it.

The paramedic called the press and sold me like a loaf of bread. This was news, and he wanted to be the one to report it.

When friends asked me, Can we help? I'd say, Not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock. I used that line from Star Wars.

Let's talk about something exciting. Me.