I'm 0 for 3 with marriage - the scoreboard doesn't lie, never has. So what we all have is a marriage of the heart. To sully or contaminate or radically disrespect this union with a shameful contract is something that I will leave to the amateurs and the Bible grippers.

I don't sleep. I wait. I sleep in cars and on couches. I sleep when I can, but when I can't sleep, I just don't, so I figure there's a higher calling keeping me on point that night.

The only thing I'm addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent.

You have this great big fantasy life, and it looks like a non-stop 24/7 party. But what do you do when you get to the end of the Internet and there's nothing left to buy? There's just a picture of Wayne Newton flipping you off.

It's not about the big deal you struck that day, it's not about the new car, it's not about the obvious stuff. It's about that little introspective moment you had in the middle of all that. Those are moments between the moments, and that's where life is.

I got tiger blood, man. My brain fires in a way that is - I don't know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm.

You should have read the directions before you showed up to the party.