I like to just follow what I find compelling. In order for me to be compelling, I have to be compelled. I don't try to think about what people are interested in seeing, I have to be interested. For me, that works the best.

My whole life is reading tabloid magazines. It’s really sad, because that’s what my show is all about — what is going on with celebrities. So I have to know everything.

Christina Aguilera finally announced her pregnancy. Thanks for waiting until your third trimester to get the word out—why not just wait until you’re crowning?

It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.

I’ll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.

Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.

Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.