I didn't become a comedian to work this hard.

I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have breasts we can't show them?

We set up a bakery called Bad Boy Bakery, to cook on the inside to sell on the outside. It was huge, because it got them working. I'd give them a certificate to go back in the community with a skill. They could get a job. We set up a little bakery and it's gone crazy. I need to be that raw to do the glossy stuff. I need to get back to that kind of scenario.

If you judge a person by the company they keep, then I'm retarded.

Next to fat babies, midgets are my favorite things to hold. I love them so much, and I want to help them to do adult things like drive cars, Jet-Ski, and lip-synch. I’m in awe of their little limbs, their large craniums, and their medicine-ball asses. I love the little baby steps they take while shifting their weight from side to side, and the fact that when you knock one over accidentally, he flails like a turtle on its back that can’t get up right away.

You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.

That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time.