I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever.

If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.

I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his face. I didn't say that out loud, of course. I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.

You want to do something a little bit meaningful, because we're not saving the planet or anything, but we want to contribute in a positive way, in a way that makes a difference or makes somebody feel something.

My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.

I haven't been manipulated. I did a documentary in prison years ago because I was so f - ed off with those lazy bastards in their bed for 18 hours a day, five dishes a day on a menu to choose from, playing soccer every day, going to the gym, watching movies.

Being that frank and being that open, there's more praise than there is negativity. It's just the negativity gets printed because you're straight and f - ing rude. It's not rude, it's just getting straight to the point.