I think it's important to be authentic to who you are, and if you're inauthentic at all, people smell that from a mile away.

I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away - I don't think so.

I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Women don't have to be jealous of other women.

Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed to the other with a nurse's hat on while your father, who is also naked, is chasing her with a bandanna around his neck, is reason to put yourself up for adoption.

Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba.